mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
