the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
