Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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