im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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