New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
