Umm I'm too high to move.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize