Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
