dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
