My room smells like vodka and shame
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
