just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
