I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
