you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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