someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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