I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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