found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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