He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize