If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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