i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
pray to the hookup gods
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
