You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
