Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
