im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
