We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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