no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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