You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
