Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
