time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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