your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
