He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
