I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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