dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
