Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
