She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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