When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
