I love black thongs
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Randomize
