He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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