PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
