Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
handjob tips. give me some.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
