I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
