can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
