***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
