I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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