Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
