the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
