True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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