How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
