i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
