well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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