She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
