mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think my vagina is haunted
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
