worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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