2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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