1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize