2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
