Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
