OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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