I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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