East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
