I'm jealous of your bromance
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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