Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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