now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
