I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
we should paint friendship bongs
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