i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize