Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
