i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
