She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
