He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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