I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
