Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
