i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
