I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
