Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
