I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
