But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
They are going to name an STD after you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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