Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
