Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
