Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
