people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
